A Perfect Wedding

By Caitie Steffen

     Joel and I officially met when we were both in college in 2010. I remember seeing him in his ROTC uniform when I worked at the front desk of my residence hall and assumed he had a girlfriend or was out of my league. He and his buddy would walk by the front desk a lot, and I learned many years later it was to catch a glimpse of the hot Asian girl who worked there. They would always shoot some goofy smiles and wave hello. Joel and my relationship in college didn't go beyond some silly texts in Japanese and a beer at a dive bar near campus. I ended up starting a new relationship with someone else and Joel graduated. We didn't see each other or hear from one another for 4 years.

     Fast forward to March 2014. I just moved back into San Francisco, and I got a text from a number I didn't have in my contacts. It started off, "Konnichiwa," and without recognizing the number I knew exactly who it was. There was only one person who always started their texts off to me with that Japanese greeting. It was Joel. I found it pretty serendipitous that not only did he still have my number but he just happened to text me the day after I moved back into the city. It felt like this was fate giving a second chance from a missed opportunity. The butterflies crept into my stomach. We met up for beers at a dive bar in the Outer Sunset to play some pool, and even though the beer was stale, it was the best date I had had in a while.

     But what really sealed the deal in my mind as to whether Joel and I would end up together forever, was a different date. I pride myself on being poised and when you're in the early days of a dating relationship you always present your best self all the time. You don't eat too much, you don't poop, you don't fart, you wear makeup, and you dress nicely. Joel and I decided to check out taco Tuesday at a restaurant in the Inner Sunset, and he suggested we grab a couple beers and enjoy the sunset at Ocean Beach before dinner.

     We are having a great time just sitting in his car sipping on some beers and watching the surfers catch the final waves before the sun goes down. As I'm sitting there, I start to feel like I really have to pee. I'm not talking like a little pressure. This felt like I was holding back the Hoover Dam at its high point. Now, to this day, I still have no idea what was going through my head, but I chose not to use the public restroom at Ocean Beach before we headed to the restaurant. Idiot, idiot, and did I say, IDIOT! Joel starts driving towards the restaurant, and I have another opportunity to ask him to stop, so I can use the restroom. We are driving right by my place. Silence. WTF Caitie?! At this point, we are almost to the restaurant, but my bladder is pretty much Old Faithful and about to blow at any moment. The seconds seem like hours as we drive around looking for parking. Finally, Joel finds a spot and just as I get out of the car and start to walk towards the restaurant. . . there she blew. Yep, a 28-year old, rational, adult peed her pants. I'm mortified. Not only did I just pee a river in my pants, but I just did it in front of Joel! I'm thinking to myself well there goes the perfect guy. How could he possibly look at me after this fiasco? But he was the perfect gentleman and insisted on driving me home. And when I was panicky about sitting on his seat he let me sit on a towel that his Aunt embroidered for him.

     Joel and I have spent the last 7 years learning about relationships, responsibilities, commitment, honesty, long distance, and so much more that it's impossible for me to imagine what my life would be without him in it. He has truly made me a better person and I wouldn't have grown professionally or personally without him. A worthwhile relationship will break through your comfort zone and ask you to open yourself up to vulnerability. No one wants to be susceptible to pain but it's necessary if you expect to show another person that you love them. On April 5, 2021, I was lucky enough to marry my best friend. And in the typical Joel and Caitie style there was no wedding dress, no witnesses, no cake, and no dancing. We wore matching Hawaiian shirts and said our vows in private. It's crazy to think that in 2010 lightning struck (although neither of us knew it) and it struck again in 2014. We go through life making so many choices everyday and sometimes it's not until much later that we can look back and feel gratitude for those choices we made.